I have always struggled with God wanting to grow me as a person. ALWAYS!
Like I can remember in college He was really wanting me to step out in faith, and I was literally digging in my heels refusing to budge. That’s how me and God like to interact. He pushes, I dig my heels in until… I literally cannot hold my own weight anymore, and then I fall into His lap crying.
That’s what happened today. I fell (figuratively of course), face first, and when I looked into the mirror my face was so distorted. Today Satan has been trying to wave his victory flag, but GUESS WHAT my God is bigger than Satan can even imagine.
I know I struggle with a food addiction, and God has even given me a way out. He has caused my body to react so strongly to certain foods I become ill. Well lately I have ignored everything God showed me about 6 months ago. At times I was literally plugging my ears singing LALALALA. Then something happened with my food addiction that I had never noticed. It caused me to let my husband down.
My husband and I have a wonderful marriage. I am not saying that it is butterflies and daisies every day, but at the end of each day we know two things. We love God and we love each other. Yesterday couldn’t have been a better example of how well we work together. We got home from work, we took a walk together, cooked dinner together, did chores together and poured into each other. He was being so sweet, and I knew he really wanted to show me physically how much he loved me.
Even though I am a firm believer in if one person says yes to sex then you should have sex. I convinced him that if we waited until the morning I would be more receptive.
Now this wasn’t to get out of it. Seriously almost every morning I want to have sex. We just never make the time to.
So my alarm goes off at 6. I am dreading even getting out of bed. My stomach hurts, my head hurts and I had woken up multiple times in the night. I felt like crap. Why did I feel like crap? Well, the day before I had not only eaten everything I have an intolerance to, but I had done it in an extremely high quantity.
I was sick. My nose was stuffed, my head hurt, and I felt like I was going to vomit. I allowed the sin of my addiction to breach something so precious. God intended for sex to be the way we showed our spouse love. He set it up to be the one thing that cements your relationship, and I allowed sin to enter that sacred relationship.
When I look back at what I ate that day none of it would bring me as much joy as coming into the marriage bed with my husband. NONE OF IT. Thinking about it now makes me emotional.
This has replayed in my head so many times today.
I look forward to going home tonight falling into my Father’s lap and rebuilding my relationship with Him. Then I am going to be able to come to my husband whole.
What is keeping you from coming to your marriage bed whole?
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all iniquity. 1 John 1:9